


The Science of Keeping Your Distance

by Heylittleyahtzee (HeyYahtzee)



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-11
Updated: 2015-08-11
Packaged: 2018-04-14 04:29:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4550466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeyYahtzee/pseuds/Heylittleyahtzee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Perry can't get her cookies to turn out right. Lafontaine helps, which somehow leads to kissing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Science of Keeping Your Distance

When the third batch of cookies come out of the oven brittle and thin, she finally concedes that the apocalypse is truly upon them. The recipe, a family heirloom, had never failed her before. Especially not at a time like this, when a spectacular number of things seemed to be going wrong at once. Honestly, what was the world coming to?

“Per?”

She looks up, surprised to see Lafontaine standing in the doorway.  They’re dressed in plaid pajamas, hair damp from a recent shower. Here, alone in the kitchen and the silence, she can sometimes make herself forget all the things that have happened. The dean, the fish, vampires, her f-

Anyway, that’s enough of that.

“Yes, dear?”

“Jeep and I were going to binge the new season of So You Think You Can Dance, do you want to watch with us?” Lafontaine asks. Ever since the awkward hug the day before, they’d been more at ease asking her to join in. She supposes that refusing a hundred times in a row will do that to a person, especially her person. There’d just been so much going on and now...

Well, now she doesn't have a reason not to tell them.

It had mostly happened during the fight with the dean, that small shift from one kind of love to another. She’d had a feeling that’s where it was going even before that, when they’d been passed out on her lap from the brain parasite and suddenly it was abundantly clear how fragile this life is. How fragile they all are. Fragile and human and so far in over their heads.

And now here they were, fighting vampire overlords and being attacked by birds and it just seemed like saying anything would just add to the ever widening chasm of chaos around them and really all she wants is to be normal again.

She wants to know who she is. She wants to know who Lafontaine is. She wants to know if this feeling is really her, or just stress, or temporary insanity due to the proximity of anglerfish brain goo. She wants to know if their relationship is really becoming what she thinks it might, especially with the sudden addition of JP to their little army.

Oh goodness, she’s never been this unsure in her life.

“Oh, I don’t know. I really should stay and figure out why these cookies aren’t turning out right. It’s so strange. Which shouldn’t be strange I suppose. Oh, I don’t know anymore. Perhaps tomorrow, dear,” she sighs in frustration.

Lafontaine tilts their head to the side and steps closer to peer over her shoulder. Perry straightens slightly, everything in her wanting to lean back just a little and brush up against them. It’s been worse lately, worse since they’d reconciled a few of their differences with each other. It gave her less of a reason to avoid confrontation, less of a reason to avoid thinking too hard.

“What’s wrong with them?” Lafontaine asks.

“They’re not thick like they should be. I just can’t seem to figure out what ingredient I’m missing. I suppose it could be something we’re out of and I’m just forgetting because, well, it’s not right in front of me, but that doesn’t seem very logical either does it?” Perry explains.

“These are your mom’s cookies right?” Perry has tried to explain that while her mother is indeed the one who taught her the recipe, no, it’s her great great grandmothers recipe, but of course Laf is always too busy eating to pay much attention.

“Yes, the lemon ones,” she confirms.

“We don’t have any cream,” they say like it’s the easiest thing in the world.

Perry stares at the batter before her for a long moment. Of course. The cream. It wasn’t something she was used to putting in cookies and she always needed to double check to make sure she had it because other wise she’d forget.

“We’re out of cream,” she repeats. Lafontaine nods and goes to the fridge. They dig around for a moment before producing a stick of butter and some milk.

“Let’s see, eggs, flour, lemon juice, sugar… minus what looks to be about one fifth of the recipe…. that would make it roughly two thirds of a cup milk and 2.5 tablespoons of butter to substitute for the cream Carmilla totally used making smoothies last night,” Lafontaine mutters as they divvy up the ingredients. Perry watches in amazement as they stir the milk and butter into the batter. They’d remembered the whole recipe. They knew exactly what to substitute.

“I thought you didn’t like cooking?” she says.

“I mean, I don’t really, not enough explosions, but you do,” they respond, like that somehow answers her question. When she doesn’t speak for a moment, Lafontaine looks over with a soft smile.

“I did some research one afternoon when you were on a particularly intense baking spree? I wanted to get why you love it so much. Cooking is really just science, anyway, and you’re always so happy when you make something awesome, and I guess I… wanted to be part of that?” Lafontaine explains.

Perry hopes that the increase in her heart rate isn’t evident on her face. They’d learned it all because of her. And remembered for god knows how long. Oh, how could she have been so blind?

“That’s… sweet of you. I never realized…” she trails off. Lafontaine shrugs and nudges the batter back towards her.

“Come on, what are friends for, y’know?”

“Right, yes, friends,” she whispers. Her face is burning with nervous energy. It’s like something is pulling her forward toward Lafontaine, like she can’t help this if she tried. One hand is pressed to her mouth, the other holding onto her wrist, shoulders tensed. This is not how she’d imagined this happening.

“Per, you okay?” Lafontaine asks. They step right in front of her and put their hands on her arms to steady her.

“Fine, perfectly fine,” she whispers again, her stance unchanging.

“Hey, whatever it is, I’m right here. I’ve got you,” Lafontaine replies.

Yes, she thinks, that’s the problem.

Right here, in front of her, warm hands on her shoulders holding her gently, concerened eyes searching her face, so beautiful, so kind, so reckless.

She leans in and kisses them softly, shoulders dropping as she finally gives in to this one little eventuality. Lafontaine kisses back slowly, like they aren’t quite sure what’s happening. Their fingers are tight on her arms and Perry knows even as she kisses them that she’s made a terrible mistake.

She forces herself to pull away and clasps her hands over her mouth, the force shaking her from the embrace.

“I’m so sorry, oh I don’t, I’m not, I’m so sorry,” she rambles. Lafontaine furrows their brow and takes her hands.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about, Per.”

And then they’re kissing her again and god she could melt into them and never return to this place couldn’t she? She’d never have to think about the awful things happening, the things she sees that she can’t explain, the world that’s crumbling around them.

But that’s just it.

She pulls away with a gasp, hands cradling Lafontaine’s face. Lafontaine squeezes her hips reassuringly and strokes their thumbs over the fabric of her blouse. She bites her lip, leans her forehead against theirs, takes a deep breath.

“I can’t,” she whispers.

“Hey, it’s okay,” they reassure her.

“No, it’s not. I’m not. I don’t know….. I’m not…. It’s not…” She’s not quite sure what she’s trying to say, but it feels right. There’s too much she needs to figure out, too much she needs to understand about this new version of herself before she commits to anything so important as this.

“Right. Yeah. Of course,” Lafontaine says. They step away, head down, and instantly she feels guilty. Guilty because she misses the warmth and the closeness but at the same time she can feel the relief spiraling through her skin at the space between them.

“I want this, I do, I just need to figure a few things out first,” she says quickly.

“I know, Per, just…. you sure you don’t want company?” they ask.

Perry sighs and turns back to the cookies long forgotten on the counter.

“I think this is something I need to do myself.”

Lafontaine smiles sadly and nods.

“Let me know, yeah?”

They lock eyes over the bowl of batter.

“Yeah,” Perry says. Lafontaine bites their lip and backs slowly out of the kitchen. When she’s finally alone, Perry dips her finger in the batter for a small taste. A gentle, cold wind shifts through the room. Her back straightens, her pupils shrinking to pinpricks. The smell of Lafontaine is heavy in the air, the taste of them clinging to the butter they’d handled before stirring it in. It wasn’t much, perhaps a few lost skin cells, but for her purposes it would be enough.

“Yes, it will all be over soon enough,” she whispers to herself.

Not that she’ll ever remember doing so, of course.

No, we can’t have any of that.


End file.
